It’s complicated!

Tags

blog, deep, excitement, inspiration, life, moments, sex

Throughout her whole journey she has had one rock, one consistent supporter, he cannot be replaced, he cannot be removed from her heart. They are more than friends but less than lovers, when she left England he was the last to see her off and this goodbye was the hardest for her as they had grown closer than perhaps anyone had ever been to her. However the moment she left the impossible happened and despite the distance or time zone they spoke more than ever and he followed her every step of her journey, they are growing together.

Since she has settled in Spain he has been her only visitor but she always knew he would be first, now from her point of view they left the sex back in England. She was soo excited to see him, it was like Christmas came early, that London accent and those muscles he always maintains, he just wraps his big arms around her and she feels at home. He loves her like a sister and tells her how proud he is of her, he also approved of her bar and new friends which was important to her. They were like two kids running around Disneyland together in 24 hours they partied, went across country and got refused at a border for not having passports.

She realised she needed the daddy dick again, he always knew he was getting it but he’s cocky like that! In the past he just banged her and ladies he is huge so that is more than enough but he surprised her this time, he took his time, he kissed her passionately and stayed deep inside her, she felt like crying! Not being one to be out done she gave him something he had never had before. Now due to his size preparation was key so she pulled out lubrication and the butt plug, he pushed it inside her ass and then entered her aswell, she felt so full, how could she ever say no to him. He pulled out the butt plug and entered her ass, she wanted to explode there and then, she was on her head, she was in ecstasy. He took it slow and then just went in hard, fast, she exploded, he finished and did some kind of victory dance. She was shaking all over so she didn’t get to make a remark about the dance until later…..

And then he left, every time they say goodbye it gets harder and this time it was like he took a piece of her with him. Until next time daddy x

New phase

Tags

blog, excitement, freedom, happiness, life, sex

So it’s been a crazy few weeks as usual! The Alpha returned and lost his credibility by getting ridiculously drunk and drowning his sorrows over her, she does not rate this behaviour from a grown successful businessman, he has since left the country again for three weeks and is due back tomorrow. Being the independent señorita that she is she decided it was best not to rely on Alpha for financial support so she sold the black beauty……

This was hard but without sacrifice there cannot be gain, she has gone into a partnership with another businessman. They are going to open a bar! It is situated two minutes from beachfront and they are planning to open in next ten days, she has never had a business before but this year has been filled with adventure so why not! Summer will be very eventful now….

The only concern is these hopeless Romeos drowning there sorrows in her bar, maybe we should set up a YouTube channel on the latest news and drama! Her housemate is currently involved in two affairs with married men lets hope they never meet as she will be working in the bar aswell! Mr sex has been rather busy but did turn up at the club when needed however she feels as great as the sex is he is unreliable and she needs to stay focused and be prepared for more excitement in the coming months. 2014 it’s happening!

The love of a narcissist

Tags

blog, deep, inspiration, life, moments, narcissism

She was seven and severely ill, unable to breathe she begged her mother for help, her mother pulled her off the bed and told her to get dressed, the little girl tried her best to put her legs into the trousers but she was too weak and collapsed on the floor. Her mother shouted “Stop faking and get dressed for gods sake” as she pulled her back up, but the little girl collapsed again.

From a very young age she knew her mother would not keep her safe or protect her. She did not know how to please her mother, she did not know how to get her mother to love her but most of all she did not understand what she had done wrong. Her mother used to leave her with people that locked her in cupboards and left her in wet clothes all day but her mother never believed her stories.

Whenever she got sick or injured her mother would turn the attention away by being even sicker herself or creating some kind of injury, her mother would spend days upon days being waited on by her husband until she got bored, of course this meant her daughter would never receive the nurture that she needed.

Her mother had a public persona that was projected to outsiders as a loving and fun character that was very social and she would often throw parties and get drunk. However drinking soon became an issue as she could no longer hide, her true ugliness would present itself with the evil malice she spoke. Her daughter knew as soon as a bottle of wine was consumed to stay far away, so in this house she was non-existent.

The only way she received recognition from her mother was when she was feeding her narcissistic needs, like empathizing with her mother’s meaningless drama or cleaning so her mother didn’t have to but even this would receive a ‘not as good as me’ comment upon inspection.

Her mother was to continue tattooing emotional scars onto her daughter, physical scars heal but the scars a mother gives to her child will always remain until the day she can be free like a bird to fly away…..

There is always hope.

Stolen

Tags

blog, deep, inspiration, life, moments

A redefining moment that changed her forever, a moment that created a precedent of bad luck and what seemed to be a timeline of misery.

She finally had her independence and felt she had escaped her mother, she was in education and was living alone in a ground floor flat. Her relationship with Elton had been growing and he was restoring her faith and trust in people, she was beginning to rely on him heavily for emotional needs that had been neglected all her life. This level of trust was something unimaginable, to put your soul on the line when everything she had ever experienced and learnt about people was negative, but he had an overwhelming charisma that captured her and his ability to make her feel good defeated any doubts she had.

Elton moved away to study, the distance became extremely hard for her to deal with as abandonment insecurities manifested so strongly from within. To cheer her up a friend invited her to a house party, it was with people she had never met before, in an area she was unfamiliar with.

It was about 3 o’clock in the morning when the party was over, she was passed out in a dark room and what happened next felt like a bad dream, someone was on top of her. She tried to open her eyes, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t fight, he felt so heavy above her, she said no, she was helpless and he was inside her. He was taking her, stealing every part he could, taking all the goodness she had made in her life. She passed out again only to wake in the morning alone and dirty, she ran home and showered as for some reason she felt she deserved it.

She concluded this was punishment for trying to be happy, she was unable to remain independent and could not stand to be by herself so a few months later she ran back into the arms of her narcissistic mother only to find she didn’t believe her, no reaction, no emotion and no empathy.

Welcome home.

Taken

Tags

blog, life, moments

She was told they found her in a wardrobe with blood on her hands, crouching like a scared child they took her. This was her good friend, her protector, her guardian in a way, she was a tough street chick but she had a heart of gold. An angel with broken wings doing her best to survive in this world, now she was gone, taken. The next time they were to see each other was in a courtroom behind a pane of glass, how could this happen?

This was unbelievable, the days in court seemed to be a blur, the prosecution incriminated an earth angel. She was a victim, she was a child, it was self defense as a reaction to a nasty sexual assault but the prosecution said it was a premeditated attack on a stranger. Disbelief and sobs reigned around the courtroom, the verdict was read.

GUILTY.

They tried her as an adult, they waited until she turned 18, she was sentenced to a minimum of 12 years. This has to be served before parole is even considered, this was all wrong, why does the justice system produce injustice? Her mother collapsed and could not find the use of her legs due to the shock, she was carried home but home was never the same without her. She was taken away and could be visited once a year as they didn’t even keep her near the family.

She is still incarcerated.

Darkness

Tags

blog, inspiration, life, moments

Her life had been in a downward spiral for quite some time, she had not left her room for weeks. The curtains were drawn, she had not tasted fresh air for days nor did she want to. She hated the world, no one cared, her stomach knotted at the thought that she would not be missed. Very sad but true. This room and its belongings was the last that she would see, her pain and agony would soon be silent and peace would prevail, the journey to peace consisted of a litre of Smirnoff, lots of paracetamol and some other pain killers.

She never finished school and her attempt at college had failed, she had no job, no family, intermittent friends and no prospects. She was living in shared flats, supported housing for teenagers, life was full of recreational activities but when the money ran out there was nothing but time. Agonizing time, which meant recalling her misery and heartache, she was lost and could no longer see the light at the end of the deep, dark tunnel. Life had won.

She proceeded to swallow some tablets, swigging back the vodka whilst savoring the taste but in her desperation she sped up, spilling more and more down her throat. After a while she slowed as she began to feel drowsy, this was it. She felt no pain, her eyes were becoming heavy, she led back on her bed and she felt relaxed, calm and ready but then her phone rang. She lifted the handset but wasn’t sure if she had answered as in that moment the darkness had come.

She woke up, unable to see as bright white lights filled her eyes but as she tried to focus on her surroundings an awful pain came from her stomach. Throwing up uncontrollably, a nurse came to her aid and then from behind the curtain a familiar face, his eyes were filled with deep regret and worry, she could see he felt responsible. Elton had saved her. In that moment a new sense of hope came with a promise, to never go into the darkness again.

Alone

Tags

blog, inspiration, life, moments

Where am i?
She was frozen, confused, she had no memory. She lifted her head and it hurt like it had been slammed against a wall, she examined her wrists and they were bruised with a red mark around them. Her jeans were soaked, she suddenly observed she was in a puddle. Staggering to her feet she noticed the walls were padded, a thin blue mat was placed at the back of the room. Fear engulfed her.

She was afraid she had finally lost her mind and her mothers madness had transferred over, as these things can be hereditary. Why couldn’t she remember anything about the previous night? She examined her clothes, they weren’t ripped or torn. In fact it looked like she had been on a night out! A pretty lacy top and tight jeans but where was her belt or jacket?

She heard some commotion on the other side of the door and as she got closer it became clear, a man was shouting “LET GO OF ME!” She hesitantly moved back but as she did she noticed a button. Pressing it, the thick door crept open and on the other side stood a Police Officer. Relief came and went, she hadn’t lost her mind and been sectioned but what had she done?

The officer handed her a bucket and told her to clear up her mess, realizing what the puddle was she felt so ashamed. The officer explained she had been dangerously drunk and disorderly whilst resisting arrest and he advised it may have been possible she was spiked due to what he had observed.
She knew that without any authority or guidance in her life these lessons would be learnt first hand. She was learning!

A strangers love

Tags

blog, inspiration, life, moments

She took refuge in the next street from her abusive foster carer, a kind Jamaican man and his partner opened there home. She was once again in an unfamiliar environment but this time there were cultural differences, it was like learning a new way of life. They gave her over-proof rum and spicy food which set her taste buds on fire, the music was blasted out day and night. She was captivated, everyone in the household had a certain respect for Manny, it was something she had never seen before. She soon learnt after a strong cussing from him that she must maintain the same respect.

It was worth it after being a defiant runaway, he would wrap his arms around her and squeeze her so tight that she could feel a strange feeling sweeping over her. Any mention of boys in her life and he would jump up and start speaking patwa, he protected her and truly loved her as one of his own children. She started to call him dad, it didn’t matter anymore that she was white an he was black, she finally had a dad!

She loved the family so much that she had to leave, she was terrified they would eventually disown her like everybody else had, although she knew the love was real, she wasn’t willing to test it. Her own mother didn’t love her so it was to much of a risk in her eyes. No more rejection, she left the following night.

The system

Tags

blog, inspiration, life, moments

She was happy with Mary. It was uncomfortable and awkward in the beginning but Mary helped her overcome that vulnerable feeling, Mary understood she had been mistreated and neglected. Mary acted protective towards her and made sure her mother was kept away. During her time with Mary she got enrolled at college as school just wasn’t for her and she met other children just like her, the unloved and abused generation. Nine months went by and Mary announced she was retiring, the panic and vulnerability flooded back into her. What was going to happen? She knew her safe haven had gone.

She was moved around like cargo, being shipped from place to place and without Mary her mother was able to interfere. Other foster carers didn’t understand and her mother made sure she was seen as the ‘problem’, a messed up child that was just bad to the core, destroying everything she touched. During her placements she experienced even more neglect, confined to her room and without food she would often run away. Her worst experience was with Carol, she was only in it for the money and it was as if she never existed. Carol would often call up her mother and they would swap stories of how bad she was, she felt violated and trapped, her only solace was music. She was confined to her room anyway so she would get lost in the words of the songs and dream of one day being free.

It was shortly after her sixteenth birthday and she was wrapping presents for Carols daughter when Carol threw a pair of sharp scissors at her head, however this was witnessed by Carols friend Rosie. So they made a complaint to social services and Carol was investigated but it was never upheld, why did no one ever believe her? She knew at sixteen they couldn’t force her to stay in foster care anymore.

So she didn’t!

safehaven

Tags

blog, inspiration, life, moments

It was midnight, she couldn’t feel her hands or toes and she was sat on a bench outside a convenience store. A car pulled up and a female stepped out with lovely long legs, this was very noticeable as she didn’t have on many clothes, she went inside the store and purchased a pack of Marlborough. She then came over to the bench, “do you have a light?” she seemed to have an accent. She reached into her pocket and handed it to her, the woman then asked “do you have anywhere to stay to night?” She shook her head trying to hold back the tears, a mans voice then came from the car. “So is she coming? She will earn me money than you do!” Flashing blue lights could be seen all around her, she tried to pick up her bag and leave unnoticed but they had come for her!

Terrified as to where they were taking her, she sat rigid in the back of the police car only to take a breath when they pulled up at the station. As long as she did not have to go back to her mother she was happy, anywhere was better than that turmoil. The officers were friendly and even allowed her to smoke even though she was underage, but they seemed at a loss as to what to do with her as she was too young to look after herself. A couple of hours had passed when a woman in a suit turned up smelling of coffee and too much perfume, she had come to collect her.

They drove for about 40 minutes and then arrived in a residential street, it was early hours of the morning so the sun was starting to come up. A middle aged lady opened the door in her dressing gown, she had a warm smile and made a comment about what a difficult night she must have had. The social worker made the formal introductions and then left, she was then showed to her room which was decorated in purple, it looked welcoming. It had a big chest of drawers, wardrobe, single bed and a desk with a lamp. This was to be her new home.